Meeting at Dr. Munir's home

The Tired Warrior

Chapter 3

 Neriman walked purposefully ahead. Under black clothes, her figure was youthful and attractive. She was walking towards danger bravely, unable to calculate the risks.

Jamil was wondering whether Neriman was thinking about Rashid Bey; how he was cornered and had to kill himself. This situation was as dangerous as that. Did she realize the connection between these two events? Jamil thought that if she did she would be scared, for sure. How could she not? Her heart must be beating violently. If she is also scared for me then it is even worse.”

Jamil thought about the times when they didn’t have enough ammunition and he had to economize when the war was at its most fierce. He was furious in those moments. He felt the same anger now. He made a fist and punched his left palm, ”If anybody touches her...”

Fenerbahce- Istanbul

When he walked up to the carriage his voice was cool. “Are you available?”

“No, I am waiting for the Doctor.”

When he heard this he was relieved. Then he turned the corner. Neriman was still checking house numbers looking for the address.

Jamil reached for his cigarettes but he thought better of it. Even though nobody was around he was careful not to show his face.

Mercilessly the wind was still blowing and hitting the woman in black, who was walking with difficulty.

Neriman found the forth house from the corner, climbed the three steps and rang the bell. When the door opened she said a few words quietly and entered.

The light was dim. Jamil couldn’t see the far side of the street. It was as if there was a grey curtain in front of him.

Jamil still wanted to smoke. When he followed Neriman to the street, his anger grew even more; it was as if his skin was being pinched from everywhere.

His shrapnel wound in his shoulder ached. He felt depressed. He felt alienated from the world like he sometimes had experienced before.

The soldiers in his Battalion were often proud of him when they saw Jamil not ducking his head while under intense fire. He was always standing tall. Look at him now; he is afraid of smoking even though nobody is watching. If somebody would tell his Battalion that their ‘Jehennem’ was afraid of smoking, the soldiers would not believe it. They would just laugh.

He was trying to see Neriman trudging through in the blowing snow. He thought about the desert storms that turn the day into an orange-coloured pitiless night.

In a sandstorm it is easy to ambush the enemy. That’s why both sides wait nervously while their hands are on the trigger. The slightest motion would cause random machine fire.

He felt like he had put Neriman in harm’s way, in front of those machine guns, in front of the trenches on a night like that. And he was standing behind, hiding. He thought about the other option of bringing a prostitute here for this job. His face changed with disgust. “That would be even more humiliating.”

He held his breath and checked both sides of the street wondering. “When did we turn into cowards? Was it a slow process or did we change instantly as though being ambushed? Why did we change? Using women, in a dangerous situation like this; in our own country, hiding in Greek houses; we are wearing women’s veils and trying to find a place to hide in. All these years, so much killing and so many losses... Why? Was it all for nothing?”

His anger was making him feel tired again, making him feel numb.  He was stomping his feet to warm up. He was shaking, not because of the cold, but because of the emptiness he was feeling inside. ‘Whose fault was it? Didn’t we do what we were supposed to do? Didn’t the rulers of the country know what they were doing? Why didn’t they calculate the risks? Why didn’t they realize that they were wrong?  When have they realized their mistakes?  Did they ever realize at all? Couldn’t they cut their losses? At what point did they know they kept putting us in harm’s way?’ He thought about all this and set his mind to finding out all the answers one day. All of a sudden he was curious about a lot of things that he normally didn’t think about. ‘Why did they use us as a distraction with the knowing that it was going to end this way? How was this possible? The people trusted the country’s rulers  and they took advantage of that. They were merciless. Was it that easy to let people die? He paused. “I sent Neriman. I sent her to the danger. I took advantage of her trust in me.’

Then he forgot about being cautious and lit a cigarette anyway.

That’s why he had such a difficult time explaining all of this to Neriman. “This is just like lying to a kid and taking his gold in exchange for a nickel. It is fraud! Why didn’t I have mercy on Neriman? Maksood was against the idea. I thought ‘even if she gets caught we will get her out of custody soon.’ She is not used to this kind of business. I didn’t care if she was scared. Oh! She must have been really scared. She can’t even touch my gun. Is she crying under her veil now? Her teeth must be chattering. She must have hid her fear from me. She might have even hated me!”

When he saw Neriman coming, by reflex he wanted to run towards her. Neriman was walking like a man, confident. She was taking large steps without worrying about her skirt getting all muddy. “Thank God, she wasn’t afraid. She is like a lioness!” Omer had old lady’s clothes on. He was walking slowly using a cane. Jamil was happy and relieved, ‘We did it! Look at Omer, such an actor!’ He was just about to go to Neriman and link arms with her, but saw Neriman looking to her left, fearfully. She stopped walking.

As he had been waiting on the corner the whole time, he didn’t pay attention to the grocery shop in the street. A man got out of the shop and came towards Neriman. He said, “Hey lady, let me see your face, take off your veil!”

Neriman took a step back and screamed, “Jamil!”, and then she pulled herself together and yelled at the man, “Don’t touch me! How dare you!”

“Don’t move, freeze!  Open your veil!”

Before he had time to touch her veil, Jamil came like thunder. He hit the man’s neck with all his might. With the weight of the blow, the man almost fell. Jamil understood that the man was stronger and more agile than he seemed. Without giving him time to pull out his gun, Jamil grabbed him by the arm and shoved him into the wall. The man’s arm must have been seriously injured or broken, for he was screaming with pain.

Jamil looked at him as if he was surprised by all this. Then he kicked him with all the strength he could gather. He kicked him as if he was kicking a ball. The man gave out a cry and curled up.

Neriman and Omer didn’t stop and turned the corner. Jamil picked his Fez up from the ground and noticed the shopkeeper and his helper watching him in front of the shop. Jamil pretended he was going to attack them next, and walked towards them. They turned on their heels and went back in the store, so fast that they looked like toy soldiers inside clocks turning every hour.

Jamil shook his head and went on his way. While he was turning the corner, he looked back; the man was still lying on the street, curled up. He checked himself, he was alright. With that fight he got a rush of adrenalin, even his shoulder wound wasn’t aching anymore. He was smiling like he used to smile when his shells hit the target.

Neriman and Patriot were already in the carriage. The coachman was waiting for them. The horses were anxious to go; he was having a hard time controlling them. Jamil signaled him to move. “Let’s go!” As the carriage was going forward, he jumped in.

“Hello, my dear Auntie Omer! How are you? Don’t you have any suitors? Aren’t you going to get married? Maybe there is a retired Captain somewhere for you...”

“Nobody has asked my hand in marriage. There are wolves all around me. Because of them, no decent man will approach me….I hope you didn’t kill the man!”

“I don’t think so!”

“It looked bad when you threw him to the wall!”

Then Patriot asked Neriman, “Are you cold?”

“No. “

“You are freezing. Did you get scared?”

“No, I wasn’t scared!”

“When I saw you at the house, your face was so pale.”

“It is because of the cold, I wasn’t scared...It is a cold night!”

“But you called Jamil for help; so you must have been afraid. That man surprised you.”

“Yes, I was scared when he wanted to remove my veil. For a moment, I didn’t know what to do, but really I wasn’t scared that much!”

“Right, if your knees didn’t give way, you weren’t really scared. You did well!”

Jamil was still angry. “What kind of a low life was that? Who was he?  Was he a cop?”

“I don’t think so...He must be one of the thugs who live in the neighborhood. Somewhat like voluntary police. After they have raided the house, they must have asked the store owner to watch the neighborhood. Even though they couldn’t find me they must have been suspicious anyway. I think the store owner hired him as a watchman. That poor guy didn’t know who he was up against. He didn’t know he was going to meet “Jehennem”. He stroke Jamil’s arm, “Are you sure you didn’t kill the Shorty?”

“ Never mind his size!  He was strong! I felt sorry for him. If he knew who you were he wouldn’t have come out by himself from that shop. Probably they have just told him that you were some writer...Oh I should have thought of that!”

 “What?”

“I should have thought of getting his gun.”

“That would have been good! You know what I think?  I think the shopkeeper from Karaman was the one who deserved a good beating. Our good old man, Maksood will see to that. He might want to send some thugs to that shop to break the windows. But don’t send Neriman for that job as well!”

“Neriman? What do you mean?”

“Why did you bring Neriman here for a dangerous thing like this? Couldn’t you find someone else?    Was there no one to use as bait in Istanbul?”

“ Yes there were baits, but...”

“But?”

“Maksood didn’t think I should be seen with any other women today.”

“Why?”

“Cause we just got engaged this morning. That’s why!”

“Is that right?”

“Sure, in fact, we came here to give you the good news.”

Patriot pretended to look surprised, like an old lady. He turned to Neriman and asked, “Is that true, dear?”

When Neriman looked embarrassed, he understood that the story was true. “I am happy for you. My dear Neriman, you should be partying now, celebrating your engagement.  But you are here helping me...”

Neriman said, “Brother Omer, you asked for us to come, so here we are...”

“Yes, I asked Jamil to come, but didn’t mean that he should bring his fiancé along on their engagement day!”

He started to tease Jamil: “Poor girl, she couldn’t find anyone better than you? Are there really no other suitors?” Jamil answered, “There weren’t any….Considering; the toughest Officer of the famous ninety- ninth Battalion is walking around in old lady’s clothes. I thought I better get married to Neriman!”

Jamil offered Patriot a cigarette.

“If you think, I am going to open my veil for a cigarette, you are wrong. It takes more than that!”

“Never mind...Nobody will see you in the middle of the snowstorm.”

Patriot lit the cigarette and looked sad. He asked Neriman, “When did I see you last? Jamil was in Gumusuyu Hospital. His shoulder was injured. Must be early 1917...”

“No, we saw each other after that. We came for a visit when Jamil returned from Germany...”

“That’s right, I remember now. He was all airs returning from his European trip!” Then Omer turned to Jamil and asked, “Jamil where are we going? If it is far away, Neriman will get cold.”

“Not too far, actually we are going to Kasimpasha.”

“Are we going to stay there?”

“No, we will rest a while and change our carriage at Kasimpasha.”

“I hope they will have some tea for us there.”

“Oh! I didn’t think about that.”

“I am afraid Neriman will catch a cold. That’s why I am asking.”

Kasimpasha Marine Rescue Unit’s coachman was rushing down the hill at Dolapdere. When they approached the orchards, he pulled the reins and the carriage slowed down. He said, “Sir, we will turn left to Bayram Square here and we will stop somewhere before we reach the marketplace. Captain Hakki is expecting you at the house. I will come back with another carriage with fresh horses.”

“All right!”

Omer didn’t want Neriman to hear, so he whispered to Jamil, “If that guy called the cops already, they must be looking for us. They must have phoned all the Police Stations. I think Neriman should separate from us. It is better that way. She can catch the Ferry. They might have investigated and found out about our carriage, the type, the license number, the color of the horses…and so on”

“Don’t worry. We know the Police Commander of the region. Even if someone calls him, he will be slow to take action. He will give us enough time to run away.”

“Well...well!  Since Rashid has died, I see that they are doing a better job.”

The carriage stopped in front of a two-storied wooden house. They entered in through the door that was left ajar.

A middle-aged Marine Captain welcomed them to the house. “Good Evening Gentlemen. Please come this way. The lady is expected upstairs.”

He yelled upstairs, “The visitors are here!”

Neriman hesitated to go upstairs; she was embarrassed about her muddy clothes. The Captain understood and gave something to her so she could wipe the mud off. He said, “Don’t worry about the clothes; they have fresh clothes for you. You can change upstairs. Please tell them to bring the gentlemen’s clothes to the living room.”

 Jamil and Omer entered a warm room. There was a kettle on the stove and the tea was ready to be served. The host gave Patriot a hug, “I was afraid you would find yourselves in an armed conflict”.

He smiled at Jamil, “I am Captain Ismail Hakki with The Marine Fire Fighters Unit. And you are the famous Captain Jamil. Maksood told me all about you over the phone. Please, have a seat.” Then he teased Omer, “Dear Auntie would you like to take your veil off?”

He helped Omer take off his cape, “I hope nothing unpleasant happened so far?”

“Hmm, well, let‘s say it hasn’t!”

“How did you survive that Police raid? We were worried about you. Good thing you were prepared.”

“I used to get up and dressed early in the morning, just in case, I needed to act fast. That morning I heard the bell ringing, and as the Armenian Lady was answering the door, I quickly went to the terrace and jumped to the other side. Foreign Police Officers were surprised to see the Armenian Lady and didn’t check the house thoroughly. They didn’t think a Unionist would be hiding in this neighborhood among the Armenian and Greek families. Did you figure out why they got suspicious in the first place?”

“No. I think either tonight or tomorrow morning our friends in the Police Force will let us know.”

There was a knock at the door. Ismail Hakki opened the door and took the package. “Here, these are your new clothes! We had some provincial women’s clothes for you. Sorry, they are a bit homely; we couldn’t find a fashionable outfit. It is better that way so that nobody will follow you… Jamil will take this dark raincoat and leave his Fez and wear this Colpack. If it is all right with you we will arrange a carriage for Neriman to give her a ride home. Where does she live?”

Omer asked Jamil, “What do you think? I think Neriman has been scared enough today, she better go home.”

Ismail Hakki said, “I think it is safer for her to go alone”.

When their carriage arrived; they were having their second cup of tea. Ismail Hakki called Neriman she came downstairs and was surprised to see that Jamil was not wearing his coat. “Aren’t we going? Where is Omer?”

“Listen Neriman, you will take this carriage to go to the ferry. Then you can go to the bridge and take the Tram. Or if you like you can take another carriage. That would be better. I will come later. Tell Aunt Salime, I have to attend to something. If I can’t come back tonight, don’t worry! Tomorrow I will be back before noon, for sure.”

“All right.”

“You can go by yourself, right? It is far away.”

“Sure, I can go by myself, why not?”

“Do you have money?”

“Yes I have some.”

“Just to be sure, check if you have enough!”

Omer called from the other room, “Goodbye honey, give my respects to Salime. If she asks about me tell her I passed under the rainbow and somehow changed a little. Now I wear women’s clothing!”

Omer stuffed the bottom of his pants into his knee-high black socks and put on armlets like a clerk’s. When Jamil returned to the room he was putting on a skirt over his pants. Ismail Hakki gave instructions to the coachman and came back to offer some more tea. He said, ‘It is safer this way. If the witnesses give a description of a man and two women it would be dangerous. You can’t continue on your journey like that.”

“Yes, of course, good thinking”.

“Before I forget, do you need guns?”

“I have my gun already, I am sure Jamil is carrying his.”

“Yes.”

“I am asking just in case you need one.”

“Thank you. How are things in Kasimpasha?”

“There is still confusion. We can’t get them in team mentality yet. They are talking; they are sharing their problems with one another. Everybody is looking for a way out. But I think we will be the first to get organized, before the other neighborhoods. We are about to form a committee. We will organize armed groups! We are planning to train some young men in high-walled yards.”

“Weapons?”

“It is Kasimpasha, we have what we need. Everybody has brought some souvenirs from the fronts. If it wasn’t for the Yenicheshme fire, we could have helped other neighborhoods as well. We lost 7-8 rifles, some pistols, and hundreds of hand grenades in that fire. These days it is hard to take that kind of loss.”

Ismail Hakki listened outside. “Do you know the tobacco depot near Beshiktas wharf?”

“Yes.”

“Turn the corner and walk towards the sea near that depot and you will come across a tea house; it is the place that the porters frequent. In front of it, there is a pier for the boats that carry sand. You will see a blue boat which has yellow stripes. Go near the boat and just stand there. Then a man will come out of the cafe, ask him, ‘Where is the boatman?’ He will say, ‘I am the boatman.’ You will ask, ‘How much to cross the water?’ He will say, ‘One hundred gold Liras.’ You will accept and quickly get in the boat. Without losing time, get to the other side. Jamil, do you know how to row?”

“Yes, I can manage.”

“That’s good. If I were you I would take turns rowing, using the spare oars. You will be in Uskudar quickly this way and you will keep warm at the same time.”

When the carriage arrived, Patriot quickly put on his veil. Jamil put his Colpack and his black sailor’s raincoat on. They bid farewell to Ismail Hakki Bey.

After all that snow, everywhere was wet, muddy, and cold in Kasimpasha. It was as if the whole neighborhood was trembling with the cold. Even the sea didn’t look like the sea anymore.  The boats looked like they were washed ashore. On the Uskudar side it didn’t look good either, even with its marvelous domes and the minarets.

 Istanbul looked like a city after an earthquake. Three million people died in five years. It is like an earthquake coming from deep down, all the bones of the dead can’t hold the empire any more. It is like the empire is standing on piles of bones and all is collapsing now. Collapsing very fast.

Jamil remembered reading something like that. He tried to remember where but he couldn’t. Now they were feeling as if they were under all those bones. They were trying to breathe but instead of air there was only dust from the bones. Jamil asked, “What if we didn’t enter the war? Couldn’t we avoid the war?”

“I don’t understand what you mean?”

“I am saying, couldn’t we have avoid the war?”

Patriot was looking at Jamil as if he was talking in a foreign language. He stopped talking for a while and then started talking again, choosing his words carefully.

“Hmm....Could we have avoided the war? Maybe at this very moment, Talat Pasha is asking the same question to himself in Berlin; Enver Pasha in Moscow; and Jamal Pasha in Kabul.” He reflected for a while, and then said. “It is not easy to answer this question, Jamil. Let go! The leaders who had entered the war have to think about this now. As for us, we have to find a way out!”

“Arab says we panicked. He is mad at TM, that Secret Service of yours”

“He is not right.”

“No?”

“Maybe in a way he is right because our guys totally messed up in some matters. Arab is angry at them that they panicked where you guys wouldn’t. At first I was angry at them myself. I swore at them.”

“Then you thought...”

“I thought the ones in the TM organization panicked because some of them changed sides. You know the story of the tree. When the tree saw the ax he said, “I wouldn’t mind being cut down but your handle is made out of wood.” When a secret service divides in two, there aren’t any secrets. We were strong before because we were fighting shoulder to shoulder but now, there is no trust between us. All of a sudden everyone is suspicious of each other. They say, ’so and so knows my house. When they look for Dr.Rashid; they will search my house. They will raid my house in a short time.’ They got paranoid. We didn’t know how to deal with this.”

Jamil was also trying to choose his words carefully, “Yes, I think most of them didn’t think thoroughly, when they felt that uneasiness which they had never experienced before, they just gave up!”

“I understand that, but the whole thing makes me so sad. When a friend is hiding in your house and you have to ask him to leave after a night or two that is a terrible thing, especially, if you are a brave man...” He sighed. “How did it come to this? That despair, that feeling that we are not going to survive this mess, we can’t get out of this hole. Didn’t we think about losing the war? Didn’t we think about that possibility at all? Didn’t we have any defeats in our history? Can losing one war mean losing the Empire? And if we lose the Empire, can we face such cowardliness? Tell me Jamil, did you ever think that was the end after the defeat?”

Jamil thought for a second, he was curious about his own feelings, and then he answered easily, “No, I didn’t think that way! Just like you, I thought it will not be over until we all die.”

“That’s right! That’s how we fight. You win and lose, you gain some and give some; or else it is not a real fight. You kill your opponent’s friend, than he gets mad like a beast and he kills your friend. Then you get mad and become a tiger! That’s how it is! I mentioned to you earlier that our friends in the organization have been divided in two groups. I don’t want to believe that myself, yet. I still have hope. On the first day of the defeat it is normal to have disagreements. The people who have panicked on the first day might be more courageous then any of us in the days ahead. We have enough experience, we are not novices.

Remember Macedonia, we didn’t have any hope then...If someone told us that we would bring Freedom to the country three days after we got rid of Shemsi Pasha, would you have believed them? We wouldn’t have believed that. What about the Balkan defeat? If someone told us ‘you will go into a war a hundred times more difficult than this, for four more years you will endure.’ Could we even imagine that? We couldn’t. After Sarikamish, people said that was the end. I said ‘no’ to them. So many nations came to Gallipoli with all their might. Russians came up to Susehri. The people said, ‘This ends here.’ I said, ‘No’. Did I know what I was talking about? No, it was just a gut feeling. The God Almighty gave the Tsar a disaster like he had never seen before; the Bolsheviks! We were thinking of losing Sivas but we ended up going all the way to Caucasus!

 After that people started worrying about the Germans. They were saying that the Germans were staying here for good. Then ‘Handlebar Moustache Wilhelm’ got defeated, we got rid of that problem as well. This too will pass! Brother, when one end gives way, then the other end holds.

Forget it. Whatever it is! They know us and we know them! Don’t worry. In times like this, the rotten will go away, and the brave will stay.”

Patriot was standing tall as if he was challenging somebody. He continued, “What did poet Koroglu say? He said ‘real men endure difficulties, others run away.’ Until now we had the State backing us, now it has all changed. Now is the time to see the real good ones and the bad ones....”

He sighed. “To be honest I am the most responsible in Rashid’s situation. Kara Vasif warned me. He said, ‘it is much more difficult than you think, the situation has escalated. We should keep our distance for now. We should dismantle the Secret Organization TM. Then when the time is right we will reorganize.’ I refused. I said, ‘We don’t need any other new organization.’ He said “No Patriot, don’t insist on this, you don’t know. We have to dismantle; we have to forget what we knew before than we will try re-organizing. TM used to get support from the Government. Now it can’t work effectively.’ I said, ‘How come we are no good when facing difficulty? It is worse than dying. It is shameful.” He laughed at me, then he said, ‘I see you are totally confused, from now on you are a member of ‘Karakol/ the Sentinel Association’”

“Thank God those guys are more intelligent than us. They know how to organize!”

“What does ‘Karakol ‘mean?”

Moda- Istanbul

“Kara Kamal and Kara Vasif founded that organization and ‘Kol ‘as you know means arm.”

“So…Black arm.”

“Yes, it is like two arms. One division will be responsible for getting our men out of prison and hiding them as well as shooting the ones who cross the lines and the other division will be the Secret Army...”

“What?”

“The city is under occupation; they thought it was a possibility we’d find ourselves in armed conflict. If the enemy starts killing Muslims, then we should be ready to defend ourselves. In every neighborhood we will have armed militia like Ismail Hakki said before.”

“What about the guns?”

“Are you actually asking me this? You, of all people, Jamil, who brought six carriages loaded with weapons to Salihli! Yes, we have guns. We thought about that at the end of the war. We hid the guns away for possible gang wars. We thought about the worst-case scenario. I will give you Karakol’s Constitution, so you can read it.”

“Did they prepare the Constitution already?”

“They are working on it. We would have got it ready by now and printed it out, but as you know they have arrested our chief Kara Kamal. This is all top-secret information. The inner circle, the identity of its members, the number of members, the location and dates of the meetings, the election of Officers all that is confidential. If they get suspicious of someone, they will kill him just like that. No kidding, they are not taking any chances. The militia will be governed by Army rules. When the time comes, the order will be issued and all will report to duty.”

 

“I don’t get this. How can the army members fight under the same command without knowing each other?”

“Don’t worry if they are founding an army they surely thought out the details. They planned this thoroughly.”

“Who do you think is the Chief of Staff? Is it Enver?”

”I don’t know for sure but Enver is the most likely candidate. The other day I heard a rumor about Talat, they thought he had secretly come back to Istanbul and was in hiding. I think it is Enver Pasha who returned to Istanbul, not Talat.”

The carriage came to Kuledibi and stopped under a huge Jewish flag. They were on top of the hill of Rumeli Castle. Something was happening at the Police check point. People were trying to look on top of each other’s shoulders. There was a bearded police officer in the booth and his eyes were closed.

Jamil asked the coachmen, “What is going on?”

“Nothing...Damn it…. Four or five foreign Marine soldiers...”

“What are they doing?”

“They have encircled the police booth and are relieving themselves!”

“And people are laughing at this?”

“Yes!”

“Proceed; let’s try to get out of here, without drawing attention to ourselves.”

Jamil worried that drunken marine soldiers might notice the woman in the car and might do something stupid so he cocked his gun. They were able to go without an incident.

As they were going, they could see the Bosporus between the buildings. The Strait was full of enemy boats. The snow finally ended and the sky cleared. The Sun was setting on the dark waters of the Bosporus on a wet February evening.

Patriot wondered, “Where are we going?”

“To Erenkoy.”

“Who’s house?”

“We are going to Dr. Munir’s house.”

“Munir? Why? Why are we going to his house?”

“He is my friend.”

“Have you seen him recently?”

“Yes, I have seen him today.”

“Where did you see him?”

“We went to his house with Maksood.”

“And you said to him that you were going to bring ‘Patriot’ over? And he accepted?”

“Yes!”

“I am surprised. Didn’t he say anything? Didn’t he hesitate?”

“No, he didn’t. What would he say?”

“I don’t know. Who else is there at the house?”

“Halil Pasha...”

“Have you seen Halil Pasha? I was the one who took him there.”

“Is that right?”

“What did Arab say to you when you said that you are going to take me to Munir’s place?”

“Hell broke loose when I mentioned this to him. He refused. Even after he saw Halil, I am sure he is still worrying.”

“I resisted the idea myself at first but then Halil Pasha got angry.”

“Did Halil Pasha send you to talk to Munir?”

“Yes. One night, I was at home and somebody knocked at the door. I answered it was a foreigner, wearing a European hat and carrying a briefcase. I asked him who he wanted to see. He pushed me aside and came in. I was about to knock him down then I realised who it was. It was Halil Pasha! He sent me to Dr. Munir. I trusted our guys at the time so I said to him,’ don’t knock at the enemy’s door we have lots of friends.’ He didn’t listen to me. Then I went to Dr. Munir’s house, he checked me from top to bottom. He said, ‘Hi Omer, you look like a donkey in the water. How is it going? I think being a Patriot is hard on you.’ I mentioned Halil Pasha. I was sure he would refuse us and close the door on my face. He let me in and offered coffee. He said “Last time I saw Halil Pasha, he was the Conqueror of Caucasia and he was so proud! He wouldn’t talk to us. I think things have been changed a little. The CUP leaders lost our country in the gamble. They treated our Country as if it was their family farm. He is welcome here, let him come and we will talk the matters over. He will be held accountable for all the things he had done.’ I was surprised. I returned home. I reported all he had said to Halil Pasha. He said. ‘Dr. Munir is right. What can you do?’ I said, ‘If he is going to hold us accountable for the defeat, I can’t think how we are going to face the future. It is not up to him to hold us responsible for the defeat!” He shook his head and said, ‘At least he is an honourable man. I wish everybody was like him’… So, tell me Jamil, what did Munir do when he saw Maksood?”

“He made him feel sorry!”

“Good for him.”

The road widened and the carriage picked up speed when they went towards Dolmabahce from Findikli. They got off by the Piers when it was getting dark. They were by the Tobacco Depot trying to find a yellow striped blue boat. Two people got out of the cafe. Omer said, “Look Jamil, I think it is Arab. Look how proud he is. He is more proud than the Ethiopian King Menelik. He has changed since he joined the Military Police.”

Maksood the Arab was nervous. He bid farewell to his friend who were accompanying him and talked to Jamil; “Thank God you are here. I was worried about you. You are late”

“Why were you worried?”

“Are you really asking me why? You have beaten the hell out of that man. You might as well have finished what you started and killed him. Then we wouldn’t have to worry.”

“So, what is the matter?”

“We are in trouble. They heard your name. They will put two and two together and since they already know about Patriot they will understand that Jamil is Captain Jamil. They will figure out why Rashid was running towards your house. We are in deep trouble.”

Jamil’s heart tightened. He said, “What if they arrest Neriman?”

“I sent word to her. She will go to Yahya’s house for a couple of days. Anyway, don’t waste time! Get in the boat! Patriot, please keep Jamil there with you at Munir’s house. Don’t let him leave! I will keep in touch.”

Patriot was calm, he asked, “Wait, Maksood, don’t be nervous. Tell us what happened. Who told you that it was Captain Jamil who had beaten up the cop?”

“Ismail Hakki called me to inform me that the police followed the carriage. They are searching all the Coach Stables. However, Ismail Hakki said, ‘It doesn’t matter.’ These days when I hear those words I worry.”

The boatman called them and Omer pulled Maksood’s arm, “You come with us; we will talk on the boat.”

“We can’t talk in front of the boatman. I will go back to the Station and look for Niyazi Serez. It is not good that Neriman called Jamil’s name. If they figure out why Rashid was in the Fulya neighborhood and if they decide to look for Unionist Officers living in the area, they can easily find Jamil. Like I said, don’t let Jamil go back to his home tonight.” He turned to Jamil, ‘Don’t worry about your family. Give my regards to Halil Pasha.’ He hesitated for a second and said, “Say ‘Hi’ to Dr. Munir as well. That Shorty has a big heart!”

Jamil and Omer went to the boat. It was snowing.

 

When they reached Dr. Munir’s home, everyone wanted to listen to the story about Dr. Rashid who was the former Diyarbakir Governor. Dr. Munir asked to Jamil, “So, you were using binoculars when you saw him?”

“Not me. Neriman was looking out of the window.”

“Did you get the binoculars from her when she said that they were following someone?”

“Yes.”

“Were they the same binoculars that you always used?”

“Yes”

“The gift from General von Kress.”

“That’s right.”

“Then, don’t say I was using binoculars; say I was using General von Kress’s binoculars.”

General Halil laughed, “Why? What is the difference, Doctor?”

“Dear Pasha, those types of binoculars only show you whatever has been prepared by von Kress beforehand! Even if you were at Holly Mecca, you would still see blood, death, and disaster through those binoculars! Meaning half disaster, half stupidity.  Jamal Pasha climbed to the top of a desert hill and looked to the Canal with those kinds of binoculars. His were not a gift from General von Kress, but a gift from King Wilhelm!”

Wilhelm 2 of Germany

“I don’t think so; I never heard that King Wilhelm gave binoculars to Jamal as a gift.”

“All the same, they were German-made binoculars!”

“How can you make no differentiation between the maker of the binoculars and the owner who uses them?”

“I will tell you how. We should get the technology from the West and don’t get lazy. We have to work hard to make the same types of inventions ourselves. We choose the first method since the beginning. In our heyday, they used to say, ‘the Infidels earn the money and Muslims spend it!” Now it is changed, ‘the Westerners invent things and we use them!’”

Dr. Munir smiled and lit a cigarette happily. The light from the lamp was on the doctor’s face. He asked, “Then what happened?  The police officers were following Rashid and started to fire and did you get your gun?”

“Yes.”

“You would’ve got involved if Neriman had let you, is that right?”

“I would’ve, however I couldn’t. Not because of Neriman, I couldn’t fire because the gun was not loaded.”

“If you had a loaded shotgun would you use it? Would you open fire from the window?

“Yes, of course.”

“Even though you have never seen Rashid before?”

“It is not necessary for me to know Dr. Rashid to help him”

“That’s true.” Dr. Munir gazed at Patriot who was warming his hands over the stove. ”You don’t have to see him to be partner in crime. Now tell me the truth. Did you feel sorry for him when he committed suicide?”

Jamil thought for a second: “I felt sorry but not too much. I think we’ve got used to seeing people dying.”

Munir said, “I was very sorry for him.”

Halil was really surprised to hear Munir say that.

“I wasn’t sorry that he died. I was sorry that he had such a fate.” He was looking at Patriot’s hands. Patriot had long fingers like a pianist. “Rashid crossed the line. It was not easy to cross that particular line. He stopped being a human and chose to be a monster. Maybe he had his reasons, his defenses. For starters, he never had any kind of personal gain. He did what he did for the country. He must have thought about this thoroughly before he took action. Then consciously he took the responsibility and crossed the line. He rolled up his sleeves and took the ax in his hands. He killed them all, the young, the old, the children, the men, and the women.”

Halil Pasha answered, “Of course, he killed them without hesitation” He said this as easily as talking about some unimportant matter.

Dr. Munir was surprised, “Why did he do that?”

“He saw the danger for the country and didn’t think about people’s lives.”

“Is that some kind of Patriotism? Do you think that?”

“I am sure of it. When you kill you accept that the same thing can happen to you. Your own life is also on the line. He did this massacre because he thought the country was in danger. If you think that the danger was not that great, that is another matter. We can discuss that too.”

Dr. Munir thought about this for some time. “Let’s say you are right for a minute. If it was necessary to do the killings why did it have to be a person like Dr. Rashid? I know about the ranks but he was my friend from the Medical School. He didn’t look like a hangman to me. I never suspected him to be one. Nobody knew it would come to this. He could not have disguised his true self. The Committee of Union and Progress was founded at the Medical School in the year 1889 by five students. Rashid was the youngest among them. One spring day, Ishak Sukuti and Ibrahim Temo were talking about the state of world affairs and what could be done to save the country. As they were discussing, Hussein Ali joined them. After listening to everyone, Hussein Ali said the only solution was to start an organization. Ibrahim Temo wanted to know how to start an organization. Then Ali checked around and saw Abdullah Jevded. He said ‘Go ask the guy from Arapkir he would know.’  Then he saw Rashid who was wandering around by himself. He said, “I will talk to that Circassian. Then we will have five people for the organization.’   They founded CUP so easily. Then what happened? Ibrahim Temo couldn’t see the revolution and ended up in Romania in exile in 1919. Ali is in Bekiraga Prison as we speak. What was his crime? They accused him of being a traitor. We all know what happened to Dr. Rashid. This morning Jamil watched his suicide from a distance using General von Kress’ Binoculars. Dr. Rashid worked for the Liberty at the age of seventeen. He spent years in the deserts of Libya with the honorable man. He is a doctor. After he had reached his goal and achieved Freedom for the country, look what happened to him. Of course I feel sorry for him. If you are supporting Liberty how can you end up killing people in mass murders? Is that some kind of destiny? If I allowed him to come and hide in my house I would be his partner in crime. You can feel sorry for someone but certainly not want to be his partner in crime. These are two different things. Am I right?

No one answered his question. Dr. Munir smiled and said, “General, what do you think?”

“I think you are right!”

Ziya Gokalp

“Well, you say that now but in your book, on the first page it says, ‘I close my eyes and do whatever I have to do’.  That’s your belief! Don’t think I am criticizing famous Ziya Gokalp. He really believed that was true. Ziya didn’t use that slogan to deceive people. Even today he thinks that this is the right thing to do. He himself operated that way. He did whatever he had to do without asking questions. That’s why he is confused.”

Then they heard Gulnihal calling them for dinner. Munir put on his jacket and invited them to the dining room. Gulnihal prepared a nice table complete with crystal glasses.

Halil Pasha said, “Thank You Gulnihal; everything looks perfect. It would be even better if you were a Unionist as well! Don’t be so stubborn.” Gulnihal was happily smiling when he thanked her, but when she heard the last comment she was not happy. “I can’t be a Unionist my dear General. Thank God, I am a good Muslim. CUP is not for me. They are Infidels, Sir.” When Munir started laughing she looked at him crossly, “Please don’t laugh Sir. God Forbid! If they wanted a glass of water from me, I wouldn’t give them one on their deathbed. Didn’t they raid our house? Didn’t they send you to exile?

Sultan Abdul Hamit

“Dear Gulnihal, didn’t Abdulhamid’s man raid our house as well? They also have sent me to exile.”

“They are not the same as the Unionist Infidels, Sir. May Abdulhamid rest in peace; his spies’ deceived him. They said you were a ‘Young Turk!’” Dr. Munir laughed, “That’s right, in Abdulhamid’s time we went to exile for being Young Turks and during the Unionist’s time for being an Old Turks! No difference!”

Patriot didn’t drink much; he just had some beer in his glass to accompany the others. Dr. Munir raised his glass. “To better days!”

Halil Pasha asked Jamil, “Were you together with Mustafa Kemal at the 7th Army?”
“No Sir, I was at Palestine from the beginning, then for a short period, our Battalion went to Gallipoli. To Seddulbahir. The second Kirte War had just ended. We came to Gallipoli on May 10^th! The enemy left on May 20^th...”

There was a long silence. Halil Pasha and Omer remembered that day. How happy they were when they saw the enemy leaving. They looked at each other and bowed their heads as if it was not good to remember that day.

Dr. Munir sighed. “It is weird!”

“What is weird?”

“Jamil summarized the Gallipoli War in 15 words. We lost 55,127 men in these wars and we had more than 130,000 wounded.”

The wind picked up. The waves were hitting the Caddebostan Pier. The wooden house was shaken by the wind. Halil Pasha wanted to change the subject. “Then where did you go?”

“At the beginning of July, General von Kress called me for the Second Canal Campaign. We went there and attacked the Canal for the second time. The enemy was better prepared this time. They stopped us easily and we had to retreat to El Arish.”

“Were you there for the first campaign as well?”

“Yes.”

Munir was trying to hide his laugh. Jamil said, “Did you say something?”

“I remembered Ali Fuad.”

“Who?”

“General Jamal’s Chief of Staff Ali Fuad.”

Halil Pasha asked, “What about him?”

“It was January 15, 1915. It was Friday. Do you remember that day?”

They tried to remember. Patriot said “No”; Halil Pasha and Jamil answered together, “It was the day the Canal Campaign started!”

“That’s right! It is also the day that Sarikamish disaster ended. Such a sad coincidence! 100,000 men died because of the cold. Same day 25.000 Turkish soldiers went to Canal Campaign. There were only 9 Germans accompanying them.”

Dr. Munir started to tell his story about Chief of Staff Ali Fuad; he was accompanying Jamal Pasha crossing the desert, while they were going to the Suez Canal from Syria.

“The Minister of the Navy and the Commander of the 4^th Army, Great Jamal Pasha was riding his white horse. This beautiful horse was a gift from Sultan Mehmet Rashad, Ottoman Sultan and Islam Caliph.  The Sultan gave this horse to him to conquer Egypt. He left the army headquarters at Be’er Sheva and had to go 300 kilometres to Ismailia crossing the desert. Behind the sand hills the sun was beginning to set and the upper half of the Sun could be seen as a victory arch from where the army was. A hundred meters ahead of them there were two Cavalrymen carrying their mouser guns. From that angle, the Cavalrymen looked like, two guards on either side of the setting sun. The chief of Staff Ali Fuad was riding two steps behind the Commander on the left side. His two aides were riding six steps behind. The Officers from the Headquarters including a doctor and a veterinarian were keeping a distance of twenty steps as per the army traditions. The difficult part was that Jamal Pasha didn’t go at a steady speed; depending on what he was thinking at the time he would go slowly then all of a sudden pick up speed. The Officers had difficulty keeping their respectful distance and controlling their animals. Ten steps behind this group; the Headquarters Flag was being carried. It was not an ordinary flag; it was a symbol of the Turkish hero Oguz Khan! Behind them there was the Cavalry Unit…”

Halil Pasha stopped him; “You are lying, you pig, you Freemason...”

He asked Jamil, “That guy is just lying. What do you think, Jamil?”

“Sir, I don’t know; we were two days ahead of the army.”

”What weapons did you have?”

“We had two mountain cannons, five field guns and seven battalions...and a heavy Obus.”

“How did you cross the desert with those?”

“Eight oxen carried the Obus.”

“Was it worth the effort?”

“Somewhat. The Doctor was making fun of the Binoculars that General von Kress gave me as a present following our success, however, thanks to the Obus...”

“Did you sink the ship and block the Canal?”

“No.”

Jamil started to tell the story in a lackluster manner. “We were supposed to cross the Canal in Tarsum. There were two warships in Crocodile Lake; British Harding and French Roken. The attack was planned for Feb.2^nd at midnight. That day we had a desert storm in the afternoon so we didn’t proceed with the plan. We didn’t fire to the transportation ships because of the attack. When our troops came within 400 metres of the Canal, it was three o’clock in the morning. We heard the dogs barking. The search lights were on all over the sand. At 3:20 am machine gun fire started from the right hand side. We slid the pontoons to the water under fire. They were thin and not strong enough to hold up against the heavy machine gun fire.  71. Regiment’s two pontoons and one from 73^rd could reach the other side. All the other pontoons sunk either at our side of the Canal or in the middle of the water. We were anxious to fire. Heavy Obus Battalion got the Firing Orders at 8:10 in the morning. We bombed the Harding. During the second fire its chimney had broken. There was yellow smoke.  The English left.

Then we turned our cannons to the French! The distance was 8 kilometres. We had such old equipment to fire such a long distance. We couldn’t keep up with them.  Even though we didn’t expect Roken to fire upon us, they started their attack with heavy artillery.”

“Why didn’t you expect that attack at all?”

“The German’s told us, “The enemy can’t use heavy artillery for fear that too much tremor will cause the sand to give way and therefore block the Canal.” But they started firing anyway. The sand didn’t give way. They got help from the warplanes in finding our location and hit us. Eight shells hit all over us. In broad day light it was impossible to change our location. Good thing the majority of the bullets hit the sand... We stopped firing at 9 o’clock.”

“Did you stop or did the enemy stop you?”

“We stopped.”

Jamil was looking at the Dagestan sword on the wall. He was squirting his eyes and ducking his head as if still under fire from the French warship. There was an uneasy silence in the room. Halil started talking again; “When you were leaving the 7^th Army did you get to talk to Mustafa Kemal? What was his take on this? What did he predict about the future? Did he say anything against us?”

“No. He wanted to see everybody before he left. He said, ‘We were defeated. We stopped fighting. We still hope to live as honourable men. If we lose that hope then we will try again. We will fight until we die. The important thing is not to leave the guns to the enemy. No defeat is final for the nations. We will carry all the guns we can to the homeland.”

“What did you do?”

“We got six carriages loaded with all the guns we could find and brought them to a farm and hid them.”

“Where is the farm?”

“It is at Salihli.”

”It must be the Kuschu-basi Farm.”

“Yes, Eshref Kuschu-bashi’s farm at Salihli. Eshref was a Prisoner of War at Malta Island. His brother was with Enver Pasha’s Batallion. There was only the youngest brother at the farm. He was sixteen. First I didn’t trust him, and then I understood he was a tough guy. He took the ammunition and the guns without hesitation. He reassured us that they will be safe there. He said, ‘don’t worry, they will not get rusted or anything. And they won’t get lost.’ ”

“Yes, that’s how they are. All the Kuschu bashi sons are brave men. Halil was thoughtful for a while. Then he said, “We sent 180,000 Liras to Ali Said Pasha at Hejaz, from the discretionary funds.” He asked Patriot, “Do you know Jamal Kayseri? We sent the money with him. Ali Said got the 150,000 Liras to himself and wanted to send the remaining 30,000 to a sheikh who was a chief of the Secret Organization. At that very moment the Front had dismantled. Jamal Kayseri was able to save the money and didn’t fell prisoner to the English. Then he brought that money to Salihli. Eshref wanted to use this fund to help out the orphans of the Unionist’s that died in the war. He asked me and I accepted his suggestion.

Then there was a gift of 4000 sheep to Kuschu bashi from a man whom Kuschu bashi helped him save 16.000 sheep from the bandits. The man said that they could use the sheep any way they liked. Eshref sold those and added the money to the 30,000 gold. He said there were more than 40,000 now. He also raised horses at his Ranch for TM’s use. I think he has 150 animals now. They have a couple of hundred Mouser guns and two machine guns there. What did you take there?”

“Not much, 400 Mouser Guns and two heavy machine guns and enough ammunition.”

“That’s good enough if they are used by somebody who knows what he is doing. One hundred and fifty Cavalry soldiers and six hundred infantry men can mean trouble for an Army, if they are good. Do you know why I like guns, Doctor?”

“Maybe it is because they kill people.”

“No, the weapons are more effective if you know how to use them.” He was shaking his glass as if there was something in it to be dissolved.

“Patriot, do you remember, Mustafa Kemal was in danger one night?

“Yes, I remember.”

“At the last minute we decided not to kill him. He had put his hand in his pocket and put his back to the wall and asked us what we wanted.”

“Yes!”

Halil Pasha noticed that Munir was listening to him and looking at him attentively. He said, “I held his arm, Doctor and then I changed my mind. So I said, ‘Oh! Is that you Kemal?” He said “Yes, I am Kemal”. I said “I have mistaken you for someone else.” He said, “It is dark here, it is easy to be mistaken” and he laughed. I let Patriot go away then. We went to have a drink with Kemal. He is an excellent Commander. His tactic and strategy is to attack. He is ruthless.”

“Why did you want to kill him?”

“He wasn’t getting along with Enver from the beginning. He wanted the army out of the politics. He insisted on that. As if the army doesn’t concern itself with politics while they are back to the barracks!” Jamil was surprised to hear this. He was curious, “Even in the barracks, do you think the army is in the politics, regardless?

“If the army is minding its own business, someone will benefit from that. It means the Army is for that politician. It is more so in those countries where the political parties are not well established.”

“Do you approve of the Army’s involvement in Politics?”

“It depends. If the Army’s involvement is for the good for the country, then why not? There may be cases where if the Army doesn’t get involved it would be a disaster for the country.”

“What are we going to do from now on? Pasha, what do you think about the future of the country? Is there a way out?”

“We are working on it, Jamil. We are going to do something. Did Patriot talk to you about Karakol?

“He mentioned it but I don’t think I fully understood.”

Dr. Munir was looking at Patriot, then Halil Pasha, then Patriot again. He was curious; he remembered them talking quietly about something.

“What is Karakol-Sentinel Organization? If it is not top-secret, please let us know, General.”

“It is not top secret for you. Patriot asked me if you would consider taking part in the organization. I said to him that you will join!”

Halil Pasha told them all about Karakol and its goals. Doctor Munir whistled with joy, “Kara Kamal is quite a strong guy. A lot of men I know are brave but he is something else. That’s why now he is the Vise President of CUP. You are something else too, Uncle Halil! I was watching you when Jamil was talking about the 400 Mousers that he carried.”

“Yes? What did you see in my face?”

“I admired you. You have the power to resist anything. You remember what Namik Kamal said?”

“He explained how Ottomans started as a small state and turned that into an Empire.”

 “Yes.”

“You thought for a minute that we will get out of this trouble with four hundred Zaybeks!”

“We sure will get out of this mess. It’s worth the fight.”

“I don’t know if you can get out of this mess but I swear you will try! If you won’t try, then someone else will. Anatolia is main human resource for the military and the civilian employees of the Government. From Danube to Basra; from Libya to Sinop the vast empire was governed by those employees. The military was responsible for the internal security as well as foreign threats. All those people, military and civil personnel exiled from one place to another within the empire. They had to face all kinds of difficulties and at the end they all came back to Anatolia. Even if the lay people won’t respond to our call to save the Country, surely us Government Employees have to do something! If we lead the way, Anatolian people will follow. They have to. We will either save the old Empire or found a new State!

“We don’t need a new State now; nobody is dismantling the old one.”

“No, Pasha! I am not sure about that. I am suspicious about something.”

“ Why? What is the matter?”

“Jamal Pasha had an offer from the British in 1917.”

“What was that?”

“They wanted him to overthrow the Government and declare himself as the Sultan.  They wanted to support him on one condition: To abolish the Caliphate.”

“That’s stupid!”

“No, it wasn’t stupid. When did they give him that offer? It was when they were sure of winning the war and the Brits and the French had gained control of vast Islamic land. They were not thinking of keeping prior promises. During the war the Caliph called for Jihad and it didn’t work but the foreigners understood that if they didn’t keep their promises, leaders of the Islamic countries will eventually use the Caliphate as a symbol to unite the people again.”

Up until now Halil Pasha was listening to Doctor Munir without really taking him seriously. He thought he was just joking. Then he changed his attitude and started to show interest. He took a sip from his drink and asked, “So what do you think can happen?”

“I think those infidels won’t help the Caliph. Even if the Caliph accept everything that they want and even if the Caliph voluntarily give some more; they will find something to disagree upon. They will even support the idea of Republic secretly.”

Halil Pasha said to Patriot, “I don’t know what Munir is getting at. He is just talking nonsense.”

Dr. Munir shook his head, “I am telling you what I really believe.”

“It would be a disaster to lose the Caliphate. That’s unthinkable.”

“What you are saying is true only if you are after keeping the Empire intact; but if you only want to found a new state in Anatolia, you don’t need a Caliph.”

“Don’t you think they will divide Anatolia as well?”

“The British want a buffer zone between the Bolsheviks and Europe. It is very difficult but I think we can save our country in all this mess. We will have a new Turkish State. The only problem is to get all our leaders to see that.”

Halil Pasha was tapping on the cigarette package, he was angry. He thought for a while. After a long silence he said, “Can we live only in Anatolia? Is that viable? I mean, can we have a State built only on Anatolia? God forbid, without a Caliph?”

“It is possible.”

“What about us?”

“I think it is possible but for you I am not so sure. You like being a son- in- law to the royals. Only the imperial brides will do for you. I am not sure how you are going to do without the connections to the royal family. You and all the brave men of the Karakol Army!”

 “Damn it, Shorty! I was waiting for you to say something sensible.”

 

Jamil and Patriot retired for the night. It was late. Patriot placed the Kerosene lamp on the table. It was a large room with high ceilings. The dim lamp wasn’t enough to light all the corners of the room. Gulnihal had put some wood on the stove but it also was not enough to warm up the big room because it was damp in the house.

Jamil hugged himself and went to the window. It was still windy and the wind was shaking the dark branches of the pine trees. The branches looked like the wings of large birds. “Those are the wings of vultures that are getting ready to feast on the giant carcass of the Empire”. He felt nervous and remembered what Dr. Munir said earlier in the dining room. He thought, ‘the Doctor is so stubborn whereas Halil Pasha is so fatherly.’ He sighed. “I guess it is true that you can’t trust anyone in this world. Enver was like a Sultan for many years. He did what he pleased and Halil is his uncle. He served as a Commander for so many years. What for? In the end he is hiding in an old house. Not only that, he had to listen to that Freemason Doctor’s bitter words. That must be hard for him, very hard.” He hesitated for a minute, and then he said, “The worst part is that we don’t know when this situation will end. He doesn’t know how long he will have to spend his days here. There is no end in sight. The whole world, it seems, even the birds, are enemies of the Unionists now. Even if the foreign soldiers leave the country they will still have to deal with the Opposition Party. That’s why the three Pashas have left the country. They knew they couldn’t stay in the country anymore and they had to take refuge in other countries. How will the ones who stayed survive all this?”

All of a sudden Jamil remembered that Patriot was in the same situation as the Pasha. He looked at his friend, feeling sorry for him.

Patriot took his jacket off and put his pistol under the pillow. He was tall and hunched. He was very skinny. His bones were showing on his shoulders.  He seemed very weak to Jamil for the first time. Jamil understood that Patriot wouldn’t be able to hold any job. That was for sure. He knew Patriot for so many years; he didn’t remember him doing anything. He didn’t even see him cooking an egg or even running his fingers through the worry beads. He didn’t see him talking about doing any kind of business. ‘What does he do? He knows nothing other than being a soldier. But he is a different kind of an Officer. You can’t really call him a soldier. He left the army to found the TM, the Special Organization. Why didn’t he think the consequences of leaving the army? What then? What was his real job?’ Jamil wondered. This thought scared him. ‘To kill...His real job is to kill people. That’s what he does. For all the years that he was my friend I never thought about this in that way!’ Then he thought about what Dr. Munir said about Diyarbakir Governor Rashid. ‘What kind of a student was Rashid at the school? Was he a bad student? Is that why he didn’t pursue his medical career and went into politics? Is that why he made bad choices in life?’ He thought about Patriot and tried to remember what kind of a student he was. He didn’t remember interested in any kind of activities. He liked to play chess though. That was the only game he liked. Jamil tried to remember how he played the game. Omer’s posture was always relaxed. His hands, his arms and his whole body were relaxed as if his bones were elastic. Was he ever tense when he played the game? Only when he pulls out his gun does he become tense like a steel spring. As soon as he puts the gun away, his body relaxes again.

“Jamil, what are you thinking? It is time to sleep!” Patriot asked.

“Oh! I was just thinking!”

He suddenly heard something different in Patriot’s voice. His voice was lacking personality. He reminded him that it was bedtime. He didn’t think about his friend’s well-being. It was not like he was worrying about his friend being cold or tired. Patriot didn’t worry about anything in his life. He didn’t get curious about anything. They were friends for so many years but he never heard him asking questions about serious things.

Jamil peaked at him over his shoulder. Patriot was already in bed. He pulled up his covers up to the neck only leaving one arm out to smoke. Jamil was surprised he didn’t hear a match being lit. He was so silent when he was smoking there were no breathing noises. When he moved his arms up and down there was no sound at all. He understood at that very moment that Patriot was living for so many years as if he was waiting for something to happen. Either he was waiting for an attack or going to an ambush with his hand on the trigger.

Jamil felt fear for a second, and then he felt sorry for him. Patriot spent all his time alone for so many years now. No other human being could have survived that. Jamil wondered if Patriot was aware of that and how he felt about it.

Jamil approached his own bed, took off his jacket and put his pistol under his pillow. He asked, “Were you really going to kill Mustafa Kemal, had Halil Pasha not stopped you?” As he was asking the question he regretted it. He thought, ‘Damn it! I shouldn’t have asked that, he either won’t answer me or he will get annoyed by the question.’

The answer came. “Yes”

Jamil was waiting without breathing. He didn’t think that Patriot would give a one word answer to a question like this. He waited and there were no more words. He felt badly and started to talk. “I had always thought about this; what if they asked me to kill Shemsi Pasha instead of asking Atif.” Jamil stopped talking. He had a sinking feeling.

“Yes!”

“I am thinking about what I would have done.”

“You would go and shoot the guy!”

“Do you think so?”

“I am positive.”

“Then what?”

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. I asked Atif once, ’you killed somebody that you have never thought of killing before. Then you were able to escape. What did you think later when you were alone?” I asked him that!”

“Did you?”

“He pretended not to hear the question. He didn’t say anything. Maybe I should have asked him what he thought the night that he got the order.”

“He wouldn’t have said anything no matter how you formulated the question. You know him; he doesn’t like to talk.” Patriot started laughing. He had a coarse laugh like coughing. He said; “When I got my first order to kill I didn’t sleep at all. I was alone and I thought about this all night. Then I understood that I was afraid of dying. Not because somebody would kill me. It was like I decided to commit suicide.”

Jamil was looking at the ceiling’s Arabesque design while listening to the sounds of the wind. The Grandfather clock outside rang two o’clock. “Did you feel happy when you succeeded? Were you surprised that it was easier then you thought it would be? How many murders did it take you to get used to that?

“I wasn’t happy, I was proud. I thought I did something that not many people could do. It is like breaking a record.  After that.....”

“Did you feel tired after that?”

“Yes, exhausted.” Patriot was silent for a while. “I am feeling tired now. Up until now I didn’t notice that I was tired.” He laughed. And I understand now why I left the army. I liked the guns when I was in the army. I still like my guns, but we are not friends like we used to be. I don’t even want to carry my pistol anymore. Dr. Munir said that Rashid crossed the line one day. I realized that one day I too crossed the line and became different from everyone else, but my true nature was not different from anybody. This was difficult. One moment you are same as everyone else and the next moment you are different.”

Patriot didn’t think that these bitter words meant that he was regretting his past actions. He extinguished his cigarette and put his arm under the cover. Nothing in the world could illustrate one’s loneliness like this very moment when Patriot was hugging his covers. Jamil swallowed a couple of times. Then he said, “You know what we should do? I will take Neriman and all of us can go away!”

“Where can we go?”

“We will find somewhere to stay. We’ve had enough troubles. We did our job, paid our dues! Let others try their hand in saving the Country! Once they save the country they can rule as they like! What do you think?”

Patriot laughed. Jamil didn’t think it was an answer to the question. They heard a dog barking from far away. Jail said, “The village is near!”

Patriot was surprised, “The village is near. What does that mean?”

“There was a Reserve Officer I knew; Jevded. He was from Chorum! A Unionist!
He could have stayed home but wanted to serve; so he came to the fronts. We formed a good friendship in a short time. When he heard dogs barking in the middle of the night he used to say this, “The village is near!” We transported the guns to Salihli with him. As we were saying our farewells he said to me, ‘If things don’t go well in Istanbul, come to Chorum. Don’t hesitate, we will find something for you.’”

“He is from Chorum?”

“Yes, he has some land there. He said the farmland was cheap and there was good soil. We can do that. We can sell everything in Istanbul and go there!”

“What are we going to do there?”

“We will be farmers. We will ride horses, people will call us ‘Jamil Aga’ and’ Omer Aga’. We will have livestock…Sheep, cows...He was wondering about you. He will be happy to meet you.”

“Neriman in a village...I don’t think so...What about Enver’s schooling? Salime Hanim wouldn’t like her daughter to go far away.”

“We will bring her along. Enver can go to a boarding School.”

“Have you ever been to Chorum?”

“No, I haven’t!”

“The soil is not good for farming and they don’t get enough rain there. Some years the drought is so bad that the animals go hungry. You can’t get enough milk from the cows. People from Istanbul don’t know about village life! I know because I was born in a village. It is difficult to live there. People get frustrated and for no reason, good reason fight with their neighbors.”

“We are not the types who would run away from a fight!”

“True! But our goal is not fighting; we want peace after all these years. We don’t want any trouble from now on! Besides, if you want to go somewhere we could always go to Salihli, to Kuscubasi Ranch.”

Jamil all of a sudden felt very happy. He never thought about that! “That’s right. God Bless your heart! I was thinking about Jevded; that’s why I said Chorum. Salihli is a better idea; it is like heaven! It is so green, so fertile that it can feed an army. Good thinking, Patriot! I will go talk to Neriman tomorrow. I will tell Yahya to sell our property. “Jamil was relieved. “I will rent a boat and come and get you from here! We will cross the water and go to Bandirma right away! Then we will take the train to Salihli. We won’t give a damn about anything. Who cares about Abdulhamid? Who cares about Talat Pasha? Whether Caliph will stay in his position or not...Karakol...CUP...We‘ve had enough of that. Let others think about all this. The others who have an interest in the outcome or the ones who really care about politics can stay here. In case we need to do something we can always come back home from Salihli and do what we have to do and go back! I always had this opinion about politics. But Major Arif Bey didn’t like that and he told me that I was a smart person. I should care about politics. I think I was smart to avoid politics. Look what happened to so many others!” He waited for Patriot to speak. He couldn’t see his face in the dark. “What do you think Patriot? Am I right?”

“What you just said is right for you.”

“What about you?”

“I am different. You were an Army Officer from the beginning. You didn’t do anything unlawful. You didn’t have personal interests in any of the political matters.”

“You didn’t want anything for yourself either.”

“I didn’t want any personal gain but I was conducting dirty deals, regardless. You can go away. I can’t.”

“You know it is hard for me to make that choice as well.” Jamil’s voice changed.

“No, it is not because of pride.” Patriot’s voice changed too. He sounded bitter. “What I had done is not something to be proud of. I knew that. However, I can’t just go. I have connections. Not that anybody is holding me a prisoner, it is me. I feel attached to them. For this reason I can’t just leave. It wouldn’t be right! It is not possible for me. When the war ends the men in uniform can go to their normal lives because there is nothing important left to do other than routine exercises. We are different. Our real job starts when the war is over. If I had asked you to leave between the First and Second Gaza Wars to leave your Batallion and come back to Salihli, would you have come with me?”

Jamil was puzzled. He said, “That’s different.”

“It is not different.” Patriot thought for a while, “If the business with Rashid didn’t end that way, I could have come to Salihli with you for a couple of months to rest.”

“Why do you say that?”

“It was my fault. I thought I could pull this off. I thought I was able to take him out of there. Others told me to wait. Our friends said Rashid was OK in prison and was not in eminent danger. I didn’t listen to them. I thought it was easy to help him escape from the prison and hide him somewhere as long as it was necessary. I didn’t take into account that the whole world had changed.”

“Are you after revenge? So what would you do? Are you going to seek revenge from the French, the English, and all the others?”

“I don’t know.” He laughed. ”You never know!” He was silent for a while. “Moving to Salihli is a good idea, take Neriman with you, and don’t worry about Salime. Do what you have to do. Neriman deserves a rest. She has suffered long enough. You have to think about her as well. Now it is time to sleep. Have a good night!”

Patriot turned off the light.

That last sentence echoed in the room. It was like one last goodbye from a friend who was going to war to a friend who chose to live comfortably.

Jamil tried to correct the misunderstanding; he couldn’t find the words. They heard the rooster. He thought, ‘Good! It is almost morning!’ He was happy that it was almost morning and he would go to see Neriman. What would she say about going to a farm either in Chorum or Salihli? What would she think about being a farmer’s wife? She should be happy.

Jamil listened to Patriot’s breathing and he thought, ‘Omer must have dozed off quickly.’ Omer always slept as soon as he lay down. Jamil thought he should insist Omer should come along. He didn’t want more trouble for him. Neriman would want him to come with them as well. They could force him to board the boat if they had to. Jamil relaxed as if he had succeeded in what he was planning to do.

He imagined he was caressing Neriman’s body as he put his head on the pillow and dosed off.